That overwhelming exhaustion you feel at 2 AM when your baby won’t stop crying? The way you and your partner snap at each other over whose turn it is to change diapers? This is normal when you become new parents. 

Drs. John and Julie Gottman’s research shows that relationships face significant challenges when children enter the picture. In fact, in their studies about 66% of couples experienced a decline in relationship satisfaction during the first three years after having a baby. Understanding how children impact a relationship is a critical factor in maintaining your relationship health once you have children. 

The transition to becoming parents brings profound shifts that impact every aspect of your relationship. From sleep deprivation to shifting identities, from financial stress to communication breakdowns – these changes are normal, predictable, and most importantly, manageable.

Emotional and Psychological Effects on Couples

Changes in Emotional Intimacy After Having Kids

The impact on emotional intimacy is profound. Couples often end up focusing more on coordinating tasks and responsibilities than being romantic partners. The deep conversations and spontaneous moments of connection seem to disappear as they just try to get through each day. 

Dr. Gottman found that moms in particular tend to get very involved with the baby and are too fatigued to offer their partners much in the way of emotional connection. When you’re pouring all your emotional energy into caring for a child, there’s often little left for your partner. This is a natural response to the intense demands of parenting.